Undelivered letters

  • Don't feel bad for saying goodbye if it hurts you to put up with this. Don't even try to stay. I already know that you're gone. Just let me cry a little bit. I don't do it to make you feel guilty. The thing is that I care for you endlessly but since today I will start forgetting you. I'm honest, I don't expect you to stay or come back. I will never trust again.


    You will remember me whenever you want to forget me and you will look in someone what you already had with me. You will be careful to not say my name. You will close your eyes to kiss me. You will remember me when the dawn breaks. When you need a real honest hug. You will remember me when you understand it is late and that no one will ever love you the way I loved you.


    You will remember me when you are with someone and you feel more than ever the loneliness.


    Don't look for me again, I beg you. I won't tolerate it once again. In this moment our dreams die. I armour-plate myself and I don't devote myself again.


    Honestly, I don't expect you to stay or come back. I will never trust again.

  • (Circa 2016)


    To love you is like expecting a groan from the wind, a kiss from the void, and a smile to the silence. To love you is conjugate the verb "to love" in loneliness. An "I love you" without answer and not wanting to understand that my love bothers you.


    To love you is to want to earn the heaven because of love. It is having lost fear to the pain. It is to fight against no one in the battle and drown the fire that you give me in my heart.


    To love you. To love you is to be in silence and wait.


    To feed the word "tenderness" and hide my tears on the back of my blank and dark nights. Tears of jealousy and doubt. It is not any use that I cry for you. It is not any use that I beg you. Until when until where do I have to wait that you fall in love with me?

  • Who are you trying to cheat my love, please? I already know very well that this is the end. Who cares where we go this time because here or there the goodbye will be the same.


    Please forgive me if when I listen to you I look away. Talk to me directly. Don't use our mistakes as excuses.


    Who do you think it will hurt this end? You? When you already have someone waiting for you after this? Who will you tell that I cried for you because you just want now my friendship?


    Please forgive me. It is hard. Don't ask me to understand you. No, I can't. Forgive me but it is not easy to lose it all when life is beginning.


    Who?


    Who do you think it will hurt this end? You? When you already have someone waiting for you after this? Who will you tell that I cried for you because you just want now my friendship?


    Who?


    Who do you think it will hurt?

  • You,


    With your eyes filled of moonshine and your envious mouth that doesn't give anything.


    You,


    With your friend and lover, the wind that agitates your hair and reveals all of your dreams: Rebels, mixed and crazy, in love with the desire of yesterday and tomorrow of what I want to be.


    And tomorrow, if there's a tomorrow I will be.


    And tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow if I wake up at the break of dawn I will search for your anywhere to confess you... and tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow if you tell me that you don't feel anything I'll tell you I don't mind, there are still more tomorrrows.


    And tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow when the sun rises and we are holding hands, in love I will tell you that there are more tomorrows that before.


    You


    keep watching me without a pinch of anything. I can only drag words out of you. You make my senses crazy with your forms. What a cruel faith! I am not the wind and I can't tangle around your body... Oh you... Only God knows what he gave you to provoke so much love. May he know if your magic will do me any good.

  • Mhm... that you don't want to hurt me... Mhm... that you didn't mean to ... that you never imagine that this would last until today... that you prefer to end everything with me so I don't suffer cause of your love.


    You should have thought about it when you looked at me with that smile that made me shake!

    Before saying that phrase that made me feel I was special!

    Before that you took away my cold loneliness with your coat.

    Before turning on my body and not being able to stop.


    You didn't want to hurt me. You didn't want to hurt me. You wanted to kill me.


    You say that I should leave now that I'm still on time, that I can escape, that you're letting go of my hand so I can run to my freedom. Tell me, who gave you the right to take so seriously the task of saving me? You cannot damage me any more and If I am with you it's because I want to.


    You didn't want to hurt me. You didn't want to hurt me. You wanted to kill me.


    Mhm... that it's no that you don't love me... Mhm... that I "deserve something better" and you prefer to leave before breaking my heart.


    You should have thought about it when you trapped me in the four walls of your room. When you lowered my defenses and made me fragile with that song. Before closing the door and leaving me nervous and breathless... before breaking into my dreams and changing my way into your path.


    You didn't want to hurt me. You didn't want to hurt me. You wanted to kill me.


    You didn't want to hurt me.


    Oh, you didn't want to hurt me!


    You wanted... to... kill me...

  • Maybe I loved you so much that words are not enough.

    We were one and the other. Two of a kind. Our hearts were wide open.

    What we had was eternal. Never forget it. It was meant to last forever.

    It was so much the love that had grown between us.

    It was like a beautiful fairy tale!

    But one day the dragon kidnapped our heart. You didn't know how to battle bravely.

    There was no magic or light.

    And you weren't my charming prince.

  • I wanted that our love was more than habit. I wanted to know each fold of yourself. I wanted to go across further than the limits of the skin. How many nights I have cried in yours arms until I fell asleep? How many times I crashed on your wall of silence because you never bothered to understand?


    And I still ask myself what way should I take to arrive to you?

    What new language can I create to make you hear me?


    Many times I have tried to be strong and forget you. It makes me angry to see how I almost lost my dignity. NEVERTHELESS like a puppet I allow myself to be controlled.


    I live dying small deaths and this agony is endless.


    I know I'm losing you and I'm afraid.


    If it's not with you...


    I don't want to live.

  • He knew well my secrets and my voice. He was a boyfriend, a friend and later, almost my God. We painted everything gold until he decided to play to be unfaithful.

    He knew well the weak point of my love. I know he even wrote new verses in my honor. I never knew anything about what happened next. He prepared his luggage and left.

    He never knew how much I cried. He never knew how much I waited for him.

    I only know that he had what I never had.

    I only know that he was very lucky in love.

    I only know that time, perhaps, changed him.

    He knew it well he did not have to ask me to show him the paths to follow. He was like a ghost that wandered in my room and on a sad day he left.

  • (Before meeting his new love)


    Today we are going to see each other and before anything I going to introduce myself as a gentleman and without drama I will tell him how much I wanted you. How much I loved you.


    He will get surprised when I tell him that this is nothing new for me. That I already knew what was happening and that I, patiently, let the lie grow and no one knows who they work for and I will tell him I thank him for making you fall in love with him so badly and that he should never ever feel guilty for a moment because he has done me a favor when he took you away from me because the one that ended up winning was me and there are no hard feelings between him and me.


    He will be silent when I tell him that it is not that I'm smarter but I have the advantage that I lived with you some years. Forewarned is forearmed. Don't shoot the messenger.


    And if he ever feels lost he shouldn't hesistate to call me to have some advice from me. Because if someone knows you, that's me. I was the one who ended up winning and there are no hard feelings between him and me.

  • When the night covers the city with an empty heart I bite the air where you are. Four weeks. Almost an eternity, waiting for the call that doesn't happen yet.


    I miss the tenderness of your voice and the slow fire when we made love.


    White tears. You didn't love me truly. While I gave you everything you just let yourself be carried along.

    White tears. Why does it always happen the same? While I gambled my soul you only played for the hell of it.


    Who would tell me that I could end up with the soul in flesh and blood and truly jealous. Everything in life has a beginning and an end but I feel that our thing finished without starting.


    I know you used me just to show off. How blind I was to fall in love so deeply.


    White tears... you didn't love me... I gave you everything...

    White tears... why is it always the same? You just played for the hell of it.